third time's a charm

I am really tired tonight. I have been putting lots of anxious energy into a important paper, and I am beat. To reward myself, after work today I went running. It was hot - 92 degrees - but the trails were dry and in the shade. Along the way I scared away a deer. Her hind legs bounced as high as my shoulders and she moved so quickly. I stopped and watched her go.

On one of my favorite parts of the trail there was a fallen tree. It fell after the last batch of thunder storms a week or so ago. When I first approached the fallen tree, a couple of days ago, I determined to jump over it. It did not seem very big . . . until I tried to jump over it. The first time, I tried to leap with my left foot forward. I did not make it; but I realized I needed to put my foot near the top of the fallen tree and have forward momentum. I tried a second time, with my right/dominate foot. That was worse. So, I ran back up the trail, yet another time. With a good amount of bounding up to the fallen tree, I made it over. Third time's a charm.

This scenario is pretty typical for me. I try most things in stages and with varying degrees of effort. Almost always, I fail on my first attempt. For example, I am good at turning in papers that are mostly good - but need a bit more work. My presentations are fairly good, most of the time, but could use more focus. My work on the job is usually good, but could always use another read through or detail check. You get the picture.

Today, upon approaching the fallen tree I said to myself, "leap over it on the first time, darla." I bounded to the fallen tree and . . . just about made it, but no go. So, I turned around, ran up the hill a bit farther, and approached the tree with all of my energy and focus directed forward, and I made it. This time in two leaps. Ha ha! Delight!

What do I learn about myself from this silly adventure? I like risk as long as I can ease my way into it. It takes practice for me to learn something new. I do not always put my full energy and focus into things the first time or two. I am pretty darned determined.

It is good to know these things about myself. It helps me realize that I am tired of feeling bad about myself for not making it over the first or even the second time. What I want to focus on is the good of me. I want to relax and know that with focused energy, I can make the leap, even if takes me a couple of times.