As Darla and I continue through the summer living in separate states, see earlier posters for the reason why, I have become increasingly interested in others who might be doing the same thing. I mean really, do other married people do this? Why be married if you are going to live apart for anymore than a few weeks, right?
Well doing a little research opened my eyes to a whole new idea of marriage. Wikipedia defines a new definition called LAT or Living Apart Together. Research indicates that between 6% to 9% of marriages in the US have partners who live in different locations. The reasons for doing so very from attending school, to jobs, to later in life marriages that don't fit traditional models. Those in the military have lived this way. Long Haul Truck Drivers, Firemen, Oil Rig Workers, and many others live variations of this. Many talk of this set up for their marriages as something that makes their marriages work. They still talk of intimacy, love and connection, it's just that it looks different than the traditional way marriage was taught or modeled.
For me, our LAT experiment has allowed me to grow as an individual. After 28 years of being together day in and day out, it is easy to forget who you are apart from your spouse. I am in the process of rediscovering who I am. Having to decide how to spend my time, what to do, only based on my wants and desires, is a very eye opening thing. I don't have to wonder if Darla will like what I am having for dinner, what I am watching on tv, how much time i am spending on my IPad, because she is not there and it doesn't impact her. As a result I am left with doing what I truly want to do, unhindered by others. It's not that I am doing anything really different, it is just that I am doing what I truly want to do. This is the way I want to be when our experiment comes to completion at the end of the summer. I want to be fully aware of me, as Darla and I make decisions and navigate life.
I have also found that our intimacy is increasing(at least for me) during this time. In part I believe it is due to our being more intentional in our communication, and in our time together. Obviously we are both learning a great deal about ourselves during this time, and our sharing these things allows us to connect at a deep level. But, it also has to do with the quality of our communication. Not being together daily means I am more attentive and work harder to hear and understand what Darla is saying. In other words, I want to make the most of each moment.
While I don't completely get LAT, I don't see it as scary or bad. In fact, as Darla and I keep pursuing personal and professional growth, I think we will be experimenting more and more with Living Apart Together.
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