It has been since March that I have been traveling as a part of my job. Lots of miles, lots of hotels, lots of change and challenge. As I launched into my new role, my biggest concern was not about my ability to do the job, or even if I could produce results, my concern was about me. Could I survive apart from my wife. Would I be able to navigate thinking for myself, determining how to spend my time off hours, the alone time?
Early in our marriage, we developed some tendencies that while great in early marriage, have not served us well later in life. The biggest being emeshment - getting tangled up in. Simply put, it has to do with knowing where I begin and end as an individual. It is being responsible to others, not for others. It is owning my stuff and not making you responsible for it. It has been easy over the years to let my wife think for me. I have been able to hide behind the phrase, "I want you to be happy." This has played out in choosing restaurants, vacations, what to do on the weekends, etc... It has also played out in beliefs and values. We developed them together and not as unique individuals.
Working away from home is forcing me to act on my own. To live by my values and beliefs, not my wife's, not my parents, but mine. And, with each decision I make, I am learning things about myself, that I do have opinions, that I do like things a certain way. I also am appreciating in new ways what my wife has brought to the relationship, but I am most excited about discovering me. I think it is easy for us to lose ourselves in relationship. We must fight to maintain a sense of self. I am slowly growing in this area as we continue to live together apart.
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